i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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