Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
