1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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