New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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