Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
