Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
