I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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