My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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