Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
