Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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