Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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