do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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