when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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