I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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