we have officially lost it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
