Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
