So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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