he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
