sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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