i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
