you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
