Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
