Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
