Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
