He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
