Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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