before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
