youre lurking in front of me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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