ya dads aren't the best wingmen
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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