Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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