none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
