you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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