Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
