Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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