I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
