i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
