Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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