day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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