sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
