I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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