I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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