You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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