i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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