My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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