Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
vagina is talking i cant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
