wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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