Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
