im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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