So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
