clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
