new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
