Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
