So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
