Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
