Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
