I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
