i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
