R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
